In the Quiet

Easter…

Each year, I make it a priority to deepen my understanding of the crucifixion and the symbolism surrounding Jesus' death on the cross. This year has been particularly enlightening for me. Last Wednesday, I attended a Bible study where Pastor Jack discussed Jesus' time in the garden, emphasizing the hours he spent in conversation with God.

I started thinking about my own prayer life with God.

I found myself doubting his intentions for my life, a feeling that isn’t new and one I struggle to acknowledge. Like Moses, I wrestle with feelings of unworthiness, recognizing that while I may not have the power to part the Red Sea, there is someone far greater who can. At times, the future feels unclear, and the right path seems elusive. It’s crucial to continue praying and seeking guidance, remembering that it’s not about our desires but his will. Even when the outcome differs from our expectations, I trust that he will always work things out for the good of those who love him.

I recently bought a book titled The Circle Maker, which emphasizes the importance of purposeful prayer and being completely honest with God about our innermost desires. Interestingly, it arrived the day after our Wednesday Bible study, a clear example of God’s perfect timing, as I felt I needed it at that moment. While I’ve generally maintained a good prayer life, this book made me realize that God is calling me to deepen that relationship. It opened my eyes to the uncertainty in my prayers—I often find myself unsure of how He will respond or whether I'll be happy with the outcome. This revelation resonated profoundly, highlighting that I haven’t been fully trusting the author of my story.

This book has truly captivated me; I find it hard to set it aside. The author shares his experiences of spending hours in prayer walks, conversing with God, which initially struck me as quite a commitment. I wondered how he could possibly maintain such a dialogue for so long.

Then, on Saturday afternoon, I felt a gentle prompting to embark on a prayer walk in our neighborhood. As I prepared to head out, Garrett asked where I was going, and when I explained my intention to pray while walking, he expressed his desire to join me. He mentioned, "Momma, you know all these people need prayers." In that moment, I was overwhelmed with gratitude for my sweet boy, who reminded me of the importance of our shared purpose.

Garrett's energetic antics and loud singing left little room for my prayers. Each time I failed to respond, he would call out, "Momma! I'm talking to you!" I reminded him that I was in the middle of praying, to which he would sheepishly reply, "Oh, yeah." By the time we finished our stroll through the neighborhood, that little guy was completely exhausted. He dashed inside, while I settled into a chair on our back patio, finally able to catch my breath.

God and I had a conversation that felt timeless. I lost track of time, choosing instead to savor our connection. I expressed my gratitude for the birds, the breeze, and the stunning Saturday afternoon. I apologized for my moments of doubt, acknowledging that He knows what is best for me. I inquired about a personal prayer, but His silence spoke volumes, suggesting that the answer isn't ready for me yet. This afternoon, through my prayer and study, I felt a confirmation of that understanding.

When there is silence and slowness, keep the faith. Trust his timing. He hasn’t forgotten.